Seeking Pattern & Direction in Random Thoughts

I know I am going towards the right direction now, I can see the light, it’s guiding to where I should be heading .....
Pull me towards you in a tight embrace, don’t let me float away in the empty space. Darkness has it’s own pull......if you leave my hand now, I will be stranded. Because neither do I want to be lost in the dark realm nor will I get to the right orbit.
Darkness doesn’t own me and I want to treat it with the same indifference with which it has treated me. It had engulfed me, choking my mind, suffocating me with it’s presence in the already flustered mind. While it remained nonchalant amidst all the chaos.
I don’t belong to light as well, I am just seeking the truth in whatever that has happened in my life and where is it leading. I am trying to read myself, find my answers and move on along the beautiful, glowing path further away from the clutches of darkness.
I trust my decision, my conviction to follow it through and the peace of mind earned in the process. 

Random Thoughts

I am still absorbing the fact that I didn’t exist beyond the particular timeframe.

I am still absorbing the fact that it was over long before I kept everything at stake.

I am still absorbing the fact that I didn’t own even a flicker of thought while my mind was wholly consumed.

I am still absorbing the fact that my love was not even bestowed with an equally passionate lust.

I am still absorbing the fact that my time and efforts meant nothing more than for granted availability.

I am still absorbing the fact that I alone used to look forward to meet all day while I was not even in the mind space - forgotten, waiting, not even considered to be informed.

I am still absorbing the fact that while I did all that was possible to accommodate it in my life, nothing was ever done for me, not even the things which were easily doable.

I am still absorbing absorbing the fact that the only thing I ever asked 

I am still absorbing the fact that I have tears left for a relation which was never considered worth a relationship ever.

I am still absorbing the fact that I still have to write to get over it while I was forgotten without a thought.

Freedom

Freedom was coldly granted to us but at what cost

Freedom if earned might have saved what we lost!

Still paying the price of their half-hearted charity

Still trying to figure out meaning of unity in diversity!

Pray we all have the good sense to stand together 

Stop living in the glorious past & build a bright future 

Stop being slaves to manipulative conmen of all times

Stop being slaves to our own demons & others’ crimes

Celebrate freedom by truly freeing ourself of shackles

Starting from irrelevant traditions to unwanted rituals

Break free from ego, grudge, anger and ignorance 

Let’s find our strength in & not hide behind tolerance 

Cravings of a voracious reader

Problem with reading a good book
Is we get hooked to the reading nook
Till the end of story, as long as it took
From prologue to epilogue to cook

Even when it ends, we want it to go on
We feel empty within when it is all gone
Part of us is attached to every story read
Directing it in our head as the author said

When the book finally comes to an end
We wish for a chapter around the bend
Or to be teleported to another book sent
Promising to be an equally good friend 

Rantings of a raging mind and a grieving heart

I don’t know what I was thinking but I do know that I wanted to make my life better. That it ended up much worse was never my intention. I just tried to do something for myself, never knew that it would hurt so much.

I felt so much, I went so deep, that I found it difficult swim back to the surface. Something made me go back to the ocean bed again though I knew I was losing out on my breath. It was suffocating to the core. I wanted to make it work, I wanted to give it my best, the sportsman spirit in me didn’t want to give up. But all my efforts were in vain. I was looking in the wrong direction all the while.

Now I am out of breath and have to swim back to the surface. The lack of oxygen rather peace, took it’s own toll on my mind. I lost my peace of mind and with it started losing my mind in bits and pieces. While resurfacing, it all flashed back from the beginning. And I realised, I was never treated well. Probably I was never needed, just available. Never loved, just used. Never valued, just taken for granted. Never respected, just misunderstood. Even after pouring my heart out, my pain was not understood and nothing was done about it. That’s even more painful than the pain itself. Now the wound is left to heal on it’s own.

Time will heal the wound, no doubt about that. And the skin that grows back on it will be thick enough not to let any hope or wish to penetrate again. Sometimes it feels good to be on your own. You will never hurt yourself. You will have the right expectations from yourself. Atleast you will never be out of breath, never be restless as if you are going to miss the train, never be left to question your sanity.

I still do not believe that I was treated like dirt, that I didn’t matter at all at any point in time! Why were my feelings so strong then, why didn’t I feel that it is not reciprocated at all? Why was I so naive to go so deep without gauging the depths! As deep was my love, so was the hurt, so will be the pain. And I have to live with it till it ceases to matter for me too.....

I saw a lover in you
You saw a slut in me 

Explore the Connect

I am simple to understand 

Yet difficult to comprehend 

I am very easily accessible 

Yet selectively approachable 

I am one amongst the crowd

Yet unique without a doubt

I am myself, I am human as ever

We are all alike if we peel the layer

Of race, language, caste or colour

A fact that many are yet to discover 

It’s the same book with different cover

Let me read you and love you forever 

Unapologetic Love

Just because I was not loved the way I loved, doesn’t lesson me as a person. But it does glorify my love which was unmatched in it’s intensity and magnitude!
Just because I have a heart which forgives, it’s not to be taken for granted. Ironically, it needs to be celebrated for it’s fiery passion and hope which lets it forgive what it cannot forget!
Just because I have a mind which is capable of thinking even in absence, doesn’t demean it’s valuation. Rather such thought process is highly rated as it deepens with time!

I will abstain from being apologetic for the versatility, vulnerability and naïveté of my spirit.

I never needed more, never wanted more from the person......just expected few things from the relationship. The relation is much bigger than the person, only few are capable of bearing it.

Drops of Hope!

Mesmerising greens everywhere 

Fresh scent of the cool dewy air

Brushes past in soothing whisper

Live me, blend with me my dear

Rain have you borrowed my tears?

Thundering down in massive showers

Crying out for the pain in each uproar

You soak me in your spirit furthermore 

Sky looks washed in a perfect blue 

Earth looks quenched in it’s green hue

Mountains greedily filling up their belly

Flowing into gushing waterfalls in a hurry

I am drenched but still want more

I am content still want an open door

Can you really quench my thirst?

Did you reserve ‘my’ cloud burst?

Prologue of Upccoming Storyline

Writing at 3am, peak of supposed paranormal activities....’Annabelle comes home’ was a disappointment 😒 however it did get the devil running in my mind 😈

Home is where the soul is or has the devil taken it, what if the mind is possessed and you cannot differentiate between dream and reality!

Enough prologue 😉

‘The haunted ride Home’

That’s the plot, watch out for more in here......Coming Soon 😈

Appreciation

What is appreciation - Acknowledging the significance of a person, valuing their presence, holding their qualities or skills in high regard.

And we are inclined to expect it from someone who is a priority in our life, whose presence is valued and hence an involuntary expectation to be revered in a similar manner.

I might have to be around people who do not appreciate me but I just can’t stay connected to them. With time they slip away into oblivion, then the physical proximity no more matters, I am already on my way away from them. One day, they will cease to exist for me whether they are in and out in my daily routine life or not part of it at all.

That’s the beauty of a crisp mind which can isolate physical and mental proximity. It promises the peace of mind which seems to be a far fetched dream otherwise. Waiting for the day when I am able to be on the same page - warm yet aloof, attached in a detached way!

Reflection

The faded mirror, the impure water

Do not reflect our true apparition 

Inner dwelling when calm and clear

Reflects back our best version 

Uncluttered, undisputed mind space 

Energises the spark lost in the haze

Lightly floating through the maze

Creativity wakes up from it’s daze

As we rekindle the flame together 

The fiery soul glows brighter

The reconnect is always deeper 

Finding solace in each other 

The fog makes way for reflection 

Well ruminated thoughts unify as one

To show the path of self reincarnation 

Revealing evolution is so much fun

The bends of metamorphosis verse

Distress on one side of the bell curve

Euphoria awaits beyond the tip of worst

Reinvented self slides down the curve 

Silence of the Storm

Prelude: This was written 2 months back, but couldn’t post then 😊

Silence of the Storm 

Silence is no more golden 

Perspective is lost and rotten 

The heart flutters 

The soul shudders

As the thoughts pour in

I can’t help wondering 

Why silence is misunderstood 

Dissected eventually not for good!

Feelings are hardly voiced

With the right words and poise

But the world is disposed 

To be a judgemental host

Wish we could retain the eyes

Of the little child within us!

Reaching out to the little child within each of us

Reaching out to reclaim humanity from the dust!

Pearls of Life

I do surprise myself

As I uncover the layers 

To discover new pearls

And find strength that overpowers

Will power gearing up in it’s flutters 

Lessons trapped behind shutters 

Defining me for better or worse

Pearls - Blessing or a curse!

Come upon wounds that I nurse

Joy that seeps though the curves

Peace playing blindman’s buff

Time whispers in a soft buzz

Pearls - Blessing or a curse!

I choose to pick up the pieces

Embrace all the changes

And enjoy life’s enigmatic company!

I am Liberated!

Free from the clutches of time
Free from the nudges of love
Free from the grudges of heart
Free from the critics of mind

The irony is

This spirited soul is

Entrapped in it’s own vastness
Lost in it’s own emptiness
Hiding in it’s own darkness
Drifting in it’s own wilderness

Yes, this soul is liberated from one moment

To be engulfed into the destiny of another

Moments that touch me and retreat

Like the waves on my feet
Like the music created in every beat
Like the stars shining down to greet

Each moment seeks acceptance in my core

Gelling in with the inner calmness and uproar

Moments trapped in a vicious circle
Etched as memory happy or dull
Some might turn out to be eternal
As they live through time immortal

I am in pursuit of creating such moments

Existence glorified by finding purpose of life!

 

Tryst with Destiny

Prelude: This piece was written more than 2 years back when I realized that I was done accepting and was trying to deny or defy or rather define my destiny. I am still at the same crossroads!

Only the cover has changed, book remains the same. Hope I will be able to muster the courage to edit a few chapters soon….  

Tryst with Destiny

There are times……

Testing trying hard
On the face……. Apparently…….

They hold my hand

And lead me steadily

Discovering a secret passage

As I take a deeper dive
Into the whirlpool of unsettled rage
To find the answers of my life

Whether this will satisfy my quest

Or increase the unrest
Only time can tell best

Whether it is a risk I should take

Is a choice that I am yet to make!!

Cosmic Realisations

A part of me is lost
With every lesson learnt

A part of me is eroded

With every splash of time

A part of me goes numb

With the realization of every firm resolution

But a part of me still cries out

For the bits forgotten in eternity
Gathering what's left behind
Trying to identify the better version of mine!

Better….. is it?

Then why do I miss

The Spontaneity & Fieriness

Why does my soul ache

For the spirit that refused to burn out

Are the lessons of life

Really worth such a big stake?

I refuse to give myself up

In bits and pieces
I want to go after the ones
Buried under the sands of time

Hold myself up

Put the pieces together
Shape myself back
To the Beautiful Original form!

In the selfish attempt to avoid guilt pangs

I refrained from hurting others
But I forgot to be good to myself
Failed miserably to take care of myself

Oh! The little voice in my head

I know you from eternity
I have leaned on you all this while
Now is the time to give you back
The Friend with whom you started this Journey of Life!

We will not lose our blossoms to the Winds of Time!

Comeback!

Comeback in 2019....took 10 years!

 

Intend to stay for a while....hope that means till I die 😊

Raising a toast to loads of writing.....