I don’t know what I was thinking but I do know that I wanted to make my life better. That it ended up much worse was never my intention. I just tried to do something for myself, never knew that it would hurt so much.
I felt so much, I went so deep, that I found it difficult swim back to the surface. Something made me go back to the ocean bed again though I knew I was losing out on my breath. It was suffocating to the core. I wanted to make it work, I wanted to give it my best, the sportsman spirit in me didn’t want to give up. But all my efforts were in vain. I was looking in the wrong direction all the while.
Now I am out of breath and have to swim back to the surface. The lack of oxygen rather peace, took it’s own toll on my mind. I lost my peace of mind and with it started losing my mind in bits and pieces. While resurfacing, it all flashed back from the beginning. And I realised, I was never treated well. Probably I was never needed, just available. Never loved, just used. Never valued, just taken for granted. Never respected, just misunderstood. Even after pouring my heart out, my pain was not understood and nothing was done about it. That’s even more painful than the pain itself. Now the wound is left to heal on it’s own.
Time will heal the wound, no doubt about that. And the skin that grows back on it will be thick enough not to let any hope or wish to penetrate again. Sometimes it feels good to be on your own. You will never hurt yourself. You will have the right expectations from yourself. Atleast you will never be out of breath, never be restless as if you are going to miss the train, never be left to question your sanity.
I still do not believe that I was treated like dirt, that I didn’t matter at all at any point in time! Why were my feelings so strong then, why didn’t I feel that it is not reciprocated at all? Why was I so naive to go so deep without gauging the depths! As deep was my love, so was the hurt, so will be the pain. And I have to live with it till it ceases to matter for me too.....
I saw a lover in you
You saw a slut in me
I felt so much, I went so deep, that I found it difficult swim back to the surface. Something made me go back to the ocean bed again though I knew I was losing out on my breath. It was suffocating to the core. I wanted to make it work, I wanted to give it my best, the sportsman spirit in me didn’t want to give up. But all my efforts were in vain. I was looking in the wrong direction all the while.
Now I am out of breath and have to swim back to the surface. The lack of oxygen rather peace, took it’s own toll on my mind. I lost my peace of mind and with it started losing my mind in bits and pieces. While resurfacing, it all flashed back from the beginning. And I realised, I was never treated well. Probably I was never needed, just available. Never loved, just used. Never valued, just taken for granted. Never respected, just misunderstood. Even after pouring my heart out, my pain was not understood and nothing was done about it. That’s even more painful than the pain itself. Now the wound is left to heal on it’s own.
Time will heal the wound, no doubt about that. And the skin that grows back on it will be thick enough not to let any hope or wish to penetrate again. Sometimes it feels good to be on your own. You will never hurt yourself. You will have the right expectations from yourself. Atleast you will never be out of breath, never be restless as if you are going to miss the train, never be left to question your sanity.
I still do not believe that I was treated like dirt, that I didn’t matter at all at any point in time! Why were my feelings so strong then, why didn’t I feel that it is not reciprocated at all? Why was I so naive to go so deep without gauging the depths! As deep was my love, so was the hurt, so will be the pain. And I have to live with it till it ceases to matter for me too.....
I saw a lover in you
You saw a slut in me
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