Demisexual Soul

Maybe I never meant anything  to you

So whatever I did meant nothing to you

Wish my love meant something to you

But your lust meant everything to you 

When did lust ever stay loyal

It loves the taste of changing soil

Changes home at the hint of trouble 

But I dream of a lust that’s fire forever 

My love is conventional and traditional 

But my lust is unheard and exceptional 

Grows fierier with a bond that’s special 

It’s ecstasy & enigma in the same vessel 

I find solace in this jugalbandi of love & lust

Touch me till you touch my soul if you must

Feel an orgasmic saturation turning to stardust 

As two souls glide into enchanted sleep of trust

Seeking Pattern & Direction in Random Thoughts

I know I am going towards the right direction now, I can see the light, it’s guiding to where I should be heading .....
Pull me towards you in a tight embrace, don’t let me float away in the empty space. Darkness has it’s own pull......if you leave my hand now, I will be stranded. Because neither do I want to be lost in the dark realm nor will I get to the right orbit.
Darkness doesn’t own me and I want to treat it with the same indifference with which it has treated me. It had engulfed me, choking my mind, suffocating me with it’s presence in the already flustered mind. While it remained nonchalant amidst all the chaos.
I don’t belong to light as well, I am just seeking the truth in whatever that has happened in my life and where is it leading. I am trying to read myself, find my answers and move on along the beautiful, glowing path further away from the clutches of darkness.
I trust my decision, my conviction to follow it through and the peace of mind earned in the process. 

Random Thoughts

I am still absorbing the fact that I didn’t exist beyond the particular timeframe.

I am still absorbing the fact that it was over long before I kept everything at stake.

I am still absorbing the fact that I didn’t own even a flicker of thought while my mind was wholly consumed.

I am still absorbing the fact that my love was not even bestowed with an equally passionate lust.

I am still absorbing the fact that my time and efforts meant nothing more than for granted availability.

I am still absorbing the fact that I alone used to look forward to meet all day while I was not even in the mind space - forgotten, waiting, not even considered to be informed.

I am still absorbing the fact that while I did all that was possible to accommodate it in my life, nothing was ever done for me, not even the things which were easily doable.

I am still absorbing absorbing the fact that the only thing I ever asked 

I am still absorbing the fact that I have tears left for a relation which was never considered worth a relationship ever.

I am still absorbing the fact that I still have to write to get over it while I was forgotten without a thought.

Freedom

Freedom was coldly granted to us but at what cost

Freedom if earned might have saved what we lost!

Still paying the price of their half-hearted charity

Still trying to figure out meaning of unity in diversity!

Pray we all have the good sense to stand together 

Stop living in the glorious past & build a bright future 

Stop being slaves to manipulative conmen of all times

Stop being slaves to our own demons & others’ crimes

Celebrate freedom by truly freeing ourself of shackles

Starting from irrelevant traditions to unwanted rituals

Break free from ego, grudge, anger and ignorance 

Let’s find our strength in & not hide behind tolerance 

Cravings of a voracious reader

Problem with reading a good book
Is we get hooked to the reading nook
Till the end of story, as long as it took
From prologue to epilogue to cook

Even when it ends, we want it to go on
We feel empty within when it is all gone
Part of us is attached to every story read
Directing it in our head as the author said

When the book finally comes to an end
We wish for a chapter around the bend
Or to be teleported to another book sent
Promising to be an equally good friend 

Rantings of a raging mind and a grieving heart

I don’t know what I was thinking but I do know that I wanted to make my life better. That it ended up much worse was never my intention. I just tried to do something for myself, never knew that it would hurt so much.

I felt so much, I went so deep, that I found it difficult swim back to the surface. Something made me go back to the ocean bed again though I knew I was losing out on my breath. It was suffocating to the core. I wanted to make it work, I wanted to give it my best, the sportsman spirit in me didn’t want to give up. But all my efforts were in vain. I was looking in the wrong direction all the while.

Now I am out of breath and have to swim back to the surface. The lack of oxygen rather peace, took it’s own toll on my mind. I lost my peace of mind and with it started losing my mind in bits and pieces. While resurfacing, it all flashed back from the beginning. And I realised, I was never treated well. Probably I was never needed, just available. Never loved, just used. Never valued, just taken for granted. Never respected, just misunderstood. Even after pouring my heart out, my pain was not understood and nothing was done about it. That’s even more painful than the pain itself. Now the wound is left to heal on it’s own.

Time will heal the wound, no doubt about that. And the skin that grows back on it will be thick enough not to let any hope or wish to penetrate again. Sometimes it feels good to be on your own. You will never hurt yourself. You will have the right expectations from yourself. Atleast you will never be out of breath, never be restless as if you are going to miss the train, never be left to question your sanity.

I still do not believe that I was treated like dirt, that I didn’t matter at all at any point in time! Why were my feelings so strong then, why didn’t I feel that it is not reciprocated at all? Why was I so naive to go so deep without gauging the depths! As deep was my love, so was the hurt, so will be the pain. And I have to live with it till it ceases to matter for me too.....

I saw a lover in you
You saw a slut in me 

Explore the Connect

I am simple to understand 

Yet difficult to comprehend 

I am very easily accessible 

Yet selectively approachable 

I am one amongst the crowd

Yet unique without a doubt

I am myself, I am human as ever

We are all alike if we peel the layer

Of race, language, caste or colour

A fact that many are yet to discover 

It’s the same book with different cover

Let me read you and love you forever